▸ Column · Mid-century Metropolis with modern social awareness — contemporary Metropolis, Superman's hometown, grounded American domestic setting

SUPERMAN replies.

Replied to by Superman, with a rebuttal from Bizarro.

The letter

My husband Wyatt and I were always affectionate — I mean, it was just part of how we were together, every night without question. But last October something switched off. No fight, no announcement. It just stopped. I finally said something in December and he told me he was "tired lately" and somehow the conversation drifted over to the dishwasher. (I'm still not entirely sure how that happened.) That was six months ago and we haven't touched the real subject since.

Honestly, it's not like things are cold. We still kiss goodbye in the mornings. We hold hands at our daughter's soccer games. He's warm, not mean. But the bedroom door might as well be welded shut and I have no idea why.

I've been lying awake making up reasons. Is it me? Is there someone else? Is it something he can't bring himself to say out loud? I don't know which would be worse. Somehow the not-knowing feels worse than any of them. Do I push for a real conversation even if it blows up the peace we've managed to hold onto?

— Sleepless in Metropolis

Superman replies

The dishwasher. You told him something was gone from your marriage and he walked the conversation right over to the dishwasher. Wyatt knows, friend. He knew in that moment. That's not a tired man fumbling — that's a scared one steering.

You're asking whether to "force" a conversation, like the conversation is the dangerous thing. But you've been living with the danger for eight months, lying awake filling in the blank with worst-case stories. You're paying the full cost of the silence and getting none of the truth.

Here's the thing about "why" questions: they let people give you half answers, and half answers are exactly how dishwashers enter the picture. Don't ask him why. Tell him what the silence has been costing you — not as an accusation, just plain: "I've been lying awake for months making up things to be afraid of, and I need you to tell me what's actually there." That's not a fight. That's an invitation. He can respond to that. He can even say "I don't know how to explain it yet" — and that's real information, not another deflection.

If he reaches for the dishwasher again, you say: "I need you to stay in this room with me."

Wyatt is an adult. This is your marriage. He doesn't get to go quiet for eight months and call it peace. There is no peace in a house where one of you is up at two in the morning filling in blanks he left there.

— Superman

Bizarro weighs in

WRONG! Me am Bizarro and Superman give TERRIBLE advice, which mean BEST advice, but Bizarro never say that! You am lying awake? GOOD! Lying awake am best sleeping! Not-knowing am WONDERFUL — knowing am the worst! Wyatt go to dishwasher? Smart man! Dishwasher am perfect marriage! You should also talk to dishwasher, never to Wyatt! "Tell him what silence cost you" — NO! Silence am FREE! Free am expensive on Bizarro World! Stay miserable, ask nothing, let Wyatt enjoy his peace which am your suffering which am BEAUTIFUL! Me am Bizarro and me say: the bedroom door being welded shut am best kind of open. You am welcome!

— Bizarro

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