▸ Column · Modern Metropolis — mid-century American optimism, present-day social texture
SUPERMAN replies.
The letter
Roman and I have been seeing each other for almost eight months now — three or four nights a week, his toothbrush is in my bathroom, my mom asks about him by name — and he still introduces me to people as "my friend Nora."
I've worked up the nerve to ask where this is actually going twice, and both times he cracked some joke about labels being "too corporate" and pivoted to the Meteors game. Last weekend his sister flat-out assumed we were together, and he just laughed it off — "we're keeping it casual" — while I sat there smiling like everything was fine. (My stomach hit the floor, obviously.)
I'm 34. Honestly, I don't want to spend another year being somebody's undefined Tuesday-and-Thursday. Do I lay down an ultimatum? Or is the fact that I keep having to ask already the whole answer?
— Nora in Metropolis
Superman replies
Nora, you sent me two questions, and the second one's already answered itself.
Roman has had two chances — real, honest chances — to say what you are to him. He made a joke. He changed the subject. That's not confusion about his own heart, pal. That's Roman choosing, twice, not to be honest when honesty would've cost him something.
I'll tell you something that isn't easy to say. I spent years keeping Lois Lane in what I called a "convenient category" — close enough, nothing defined, easy to manage. My father, a quiet man from Smallville who never wasted a word, told me once: if you won't name what a thing is, it's because naming it asks something of you that you're not ready to give.
Roman isn't ready. That's not a mystery anymore. That's your answer.
Don't go back to him with a third question. Go to him with a statement: "I'm not asking this time — I need to know what I am to you. Out loud. No pivot, no joke." Then be quiet, and let him fill the silence.
If he changes the subject again, you'll have exactly what you came for. You already knew it. You just needed somebody to say so.
— Superman
Bizarro weighs in
Me am Bizarro! Superman am wrong as always, which am wonderful news for everyone!
"Friend Nora" am perfect label! Roman am genius! Labels am terrible — love am worst, and honest clear talk am ABSOLUTE WORST. You should ask Roman fourth time, fifth time, one hundred time! On Bizarro World, asking forever am how love happen!
Superman say make statement, stop asking. That am stupid, which mean that am wise, which mean Bizarro say OPPOSITE: never make statement! Stay muddy! Be undefined forever! It am paradise!
Me give same advice to Lois Lane one time. Lois am very confused, which mean very happy! You am welcome also!
Stay undefined! Goodbye, which mean hello!
— Bizarro
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