▸ Column · Modern grounded comic — a present-day wedding in the X-Men's orbit, framed as a letter Logan actually answered
WOLVERINE replies.
The letter
Logan — I'm marrying Declan this October, and last week his mother rang me up to announce, not ask, that his ex has to be on the guest list. Twelve years tight with the family, and his kid sister swears she'll boycott the whole thing if the ex isn't there. I've got nothing against the woman herself, but Declan dated her four years, they split barely eighteen months back, and the two of them still text each other about stuff that's got nothing to do with his family. When I told Declan about the call, he shrugged and said it was "probably fine" and that I was making it bigger than it needed to be — which gutted me worse than the ultimatum did. I've already caved on the venue, the date, half the food, all to keep his people happy. This felt like the one thing I'd get an opinion on without being painted the bad guy. Is there a way to hold the line here without torching Declan's bond with his sister before I'm even married into the family?
Wolverine replies
I'm not good at this talkin' stuff, so I'll give it to you straight and you can hate me later. The ex ain't the problem. Forget her name, forget the guest list. The problem walked in the second you told Declan and he said "probably fine" and called you dramatic. That's the tell, kid. Believe it.
I've had a hundred-some years to learn one thing — you don't measure a man by what he says he loves. You measure him by what he does when standin' next to you costs him somethin'. His mother pushed. His sister threatened. And the first move your fella made was to set you down quiet so the trouble'd go away. That's conduct. That's the honest part. The rest is talk.
You asked how to hold your ground without blowin' up his sister. Wrong question. The sister ain't yours to manage, and she ain't the one you're marryin'. Tell Declan the true thing — not about the chair at the reception. About him. "You folded on me. I need to know that ain't the pattern." Then shut up and watch what he does. October's a long way off. Better you find out now than fifty years in. I hate that it's hard. Do it anyway.
— Wolverine
Deadpool weighs in
Logan, you majestic stack of adamantium and unresolved feelings — close, but you skipped the good part. Reader: a grown woman threatening to "boycott" a wedding isn't a sister, it's a hostage negotiation, and you're the one zip-tied to the chair apologizing for being kidnapped. Stop auditioning for villain. They cast you before you read for the role.
And hey — nobody's saying it, so I will: the ex still texting your fiancé about stuff that's got nothing to do with his family? THAT'S not the guest list, sweetheart. That's the actual letter. Make Declan say one true sentence about that one. ...Okay, somebody hold Logan's hand, he gets twitchy at weddings.
— Deadpool
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