▸ Column · Contemporary New York City; Black Panther in the modern world, modern grounded comic register
BLACK PANTHER replies.
Replied to by Black Panther, with a rebuttal from Killmonger.
The letter
I matched with this guy — James — on one of the apps and we agreed to meet at a tapas place downtown at seven. I showed up early, ordered a glass of wine, sat there with my phone while my "are you close?" texts hit read receipts one after another. He finally walked in at eight, like nothing had happened, no apology, not even a quick "sorry I'm late" — just launched into whatever his week looked like. When I mentioned, sort of carefully, that I'd been there nearly an hour, he laughed. Actually laughed. Said something about how I must have found a way to keep busy.
Here's the part making me a little crazy. After that whole entrance, the actual conversation was really good. I genuinely enjoyed it. And now he's texting like the whole thing never happened. My friends say I'm being a hardliner for wanting to cancel before round two. Maybe they're right. But something about the way he laughed is still sitting with me and I can't shake it.
— Done Waiting in Brooklyn
Black Panther replies
You are not a hardliner. Here is what you actually are: a woman who sat alone for an hour, then named it honestly, and watched a man turn that honesty into a punchline.
My father taught me — by example, not by instruction — what accountability looks like in someone who holds the trust of others. Lateness itself is a small thing. What a man does with the moment of reckoning is not. He would not have laughed. He would not have needed you to hand him the door and point at it.
James was not merely late. He was late, and when you offered him a way to walk through with some dignity, he chose to compliment your resilience instead and called it settled.
I would not tell you to cancel. I would ask you first: what would you need to hear from him, at the start of a second evening, to believe he actually sees what happened? If you can name those words clearly, go and see if he finds them on his own — that is information worth having. If you cannot imagine them at all, you already have your answer without spending another evening on it.
The question is not whether his lateness is forgivable. The question is whether this man, when faced with a small failure, sits in it — or turns it into entertainment and walks away clean.
— Black Panther
Killmonger weighs in
T'Challa wants you to go to round two and see if James opens with a real accounting. But James already had that moment — you handed it to him, gently — and he laughed. That was the test. Those were the results.
Here is what actually happened: James calculated that one hour of your evening cost him nothing but some charm. You told him it cost you something real, and he turned it into a compliment about your resilience and moved on. He knows what he did. He's betting you'll let the good conversation mean more than the honest thing he showed you about himself.
Charming men can hold a conversation. That's not a character reference — that's information about his ability to run this play again. You read the room right the first time. You're being talked out of your own correct read by someone very good at it.
Cancel — not from rage, from knowledge. He already gave you the accounting. You just didn't like the number.
— Killmonger
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