▸ Column · The Transformers war on Cybertron — a soldiers' camp aboard the Ark, energon credits and comm-channels standing in for office Venmo and Slack.
GRIMLOCK replies.
The letter
Me Grimlock — there is a bot in my unit, Priya-unit, passing the energon-cup around to buy a big farewell gift for our outgoing commander, Doug-Prime. Forty credits a head, all twelve of us. Trouble is, Doug-Prime made my last three cycles miserable: sideways "feedback," and three full years of grinding my designation wrong on purpose after I corrected him over and over. In the moment I smiled and said "I'll think about it." Now Priya-unit is pinging me on the comm-channel and I can feel the whole camp's optics turning my way. The gift is a luxury stay at the crystal springs — and the thought of MY credits funding it while I daydream about never seeing this bot again is almost funny. I don't want to upset Priya-unit or become the camp villain who stiffed the collection, but forty credits is forty credits and I do not think Doug-Prime earned my goodwill. Is there a graceful exit, or do I just hold my vents and pay to dodge three weeks of whispering in the rec-bay?
Grimlock replies
Me Grimlock read your story. Long story. Take off fancy hat. Real thing one sentence: you not scared of forty credits. You scared of whisper in rec-bay. THAT the problem. Not Doug. Not Priya.
Doug bad commander. Three cycles grind your name wrong on purpose, talk at you sideways. You no owe Doug good feeling. Grimlock no make you pretend you like bot you no like. That a lie, and Grimlock hate lie.
But Priya — Priya not Doug. Priya the small one here. She just trying do nice thing, and you hiding from her on the comm, say "I think about it," make her chase you cycle after cycle. That not graceful. That coward-quiet. Me Grimlock no like coward-quiet.
So Grimlock give you one small thing. Today. You go to Priya — face, real voice, not comm — and you say: "Me sit this one out. No bad feeling toward you. Just not my gift to give." Short. True. Done.
You pay forty credits to dodge whisper? That not generous. That scared wearing generous hat. Grimlock take off hat. Pay because you WANT, or no pay because you don't — but pick. Stop let the rec-bay decide for you. Then Grimlock proud of you.
— Grimlock
Megatron weighs in
Grimlock. Predictable as rust. You sniff out a "small one" to shield and you reach for Priya. Look again, King of the Lizards. Priya is not small — she is the collection-plate, and the plate does not care whether you smile while you fill it. The whispers you are told to brave are simply the herd collecting tribute, and your wretched commander levies one last tax through them without lifting a servo. I dismantled a system built exactly so. Do not pay. And do not explain — explanation is the apology of the weak. Let them whisper. Their judgment is a currency that spends only where you keep an account open. Close the account.
— Megatron
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